3 questions to ask yourself to see if you are playing victim - part 3

Well, I've highlighted what I found from my 10/5/05 journal entry according to Dennis Deatons categories which are as follows:
Owner statements (OS)
Victim statements (VS)
Exaggerated Disadvantages (ED)
Overlooked advantages and benefits(OA)


"I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen today, and it did. Things were just going too well (ED). The four kids I was babysitting, the mother left the father and took the four kids with her. Now I obviously can't watch the kids and she never paid me for the two weeks (V) I did watch them, so now I'm not earning money and I now have three people that owe me money (ED).

I got a speeding ticket in the mail yesterday for $141. Evidently it was one of those radar cameras on the Ross Island Bridge. I was returning from taking my son to OHSU for surgery preparations. They said I was going 41 mph in a 25 mph zone. I never saw the sign, I was just going with traffic (V) and I guess 261 others got speeding tickets in that same spot during the same hour I did. It was an honest mistake, I would have never knowingly broken the law because I don't want to pay! (V) This is my 1st traffic ticket ever (OA).

Next, I'll re-write the journal entry as an owner.

This exercise is very eye opening to me. It's amazing how naturally I fell into playing victim and blamed others for my problems. What a blessing it is to learn better and that it is I who controls my destiny.

I encourage you to do the same with life situations that are bothering you.

I'm thinking this is a tool I'll use with my children as I'm striving to teach them personal responsibility.

Blessings!

3 questions to ask yourself to see if you are playing victim part 2

Here is a journal entry dated 10/5/05. I had just given birth to my 3rd child and we were having major financial struggles. As you read it I want you to look for those victim statements, the owner statements, where I exaggerated disadvantages, and where I overlooked advantages.

"I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen today, and it did. Things were just going too well. The four kids I was babysitting, the mother left the father and took the four kids with her. Now I obviously can't watch the kids and she never paid me for the two weeks I did watch them, so now I'm not earning money and I now have three people that owe me money.

I got a speeding ticket in the mail yesterday for $141. Evidently it was one of those radar cameras on the Ross Island Bridge. I was returning from taking my son to OHSU for surgery preparations. They said I was going 41 mph in a 25 mph zone. I never saw the sign, I was just going with traffic and I guess 261 others got speeding tickets in that same spot during the same hour I did. It was an honest mistake, I would have never knowingly broken the law because I don't want to pay! This is my 1st traffic ticket ever.

Next I'll highlight what I found.

3 questions to ask yourself to see if you are playing victim

You are probably asking yourself why you should even care if you are playing victim or not. What I mean by playing victim is blaming others and outside events for your problems, and unhappiness instead of taking responsibility and finding the opportunity within the opposition. That means only others, or changes in circumstances can fix our problems and make us happy. Sounds pretty silly doesn't it?

So, how do we get out of this victim mode? By first identifying, then changing our thought patterns.

We all have patterns of thinking that hold us back.

To see if you are you playing victim ask yourself these questions
1. Does how I'm thinking promote a sense of hopelessness about the future? Thoughts like, my future is bleak, I have no control over the future, I have no options.
2. Does how I'm thinking lower my sense of worth or power? Thoughts that the problem can't be solved.
3. Does how I'm thinking promote negative feelings towards other people? Who are you blaming, your family, the government, that stranger that did X to you?

If the answer to any of these three questions is "yes" then you are playing victim and there is some re-scripting that can be done. You want to re-script to change that harmful pattern of thinking.


1. capture your event down in writing, just as you see it (do this so you can see where the wrong thinking is, then change it)
2. look for owner statements (statements where you take responsibility, where you have a healthy view of the incident) Build on those statements.
3. look for victim statements, see if you can diminish those
4. look for exaggerated disadvantages (where you are making the problem seem bigger, where you are giving your power away to the problem)
5. look for overlooked advantages and benefits (how does being a victim benefit you?)
6. rewrite your story as an owner (meaning someone who takes responsibility for their life)

*Out of some of our most difficult trials come some of our greatest blessings and strengths.

Doing this exercise will help you discover the blessings!

I'll post an example of this tomorrow.

For more on this, visit Dr. Dennis Deaton at http://www.quma.net/personal/dr-deaton.html

Four Lessons I learned from Chester the Worldly Pig

As I was reading Chester the Worldly Pig by Bill Peet to my daughter I realized that this is more than just a children's book for entertainment. There are a few key life lessons for the observant mind to learn.

The story starts off with Chester as a piglet on a farm living the typical pig farm life of eating and sleeping with the knowledge that his life's purpose is to end up as food on someone's plate. He decides that he wants more out of life, he wants to be a star in the circus and live a life of luxury and glamor. He realizes he has a fantastic nose and decides to learn to balance on it. He tenaciously practices for days and days until he's very skilled and can stand on his nose for hours on end.

The story goes on and he does end up on the circus grounds, shows off his trick, and joins the circus. Things start out as he imagined in the beginning. Things quickly change. The show starts and he's put into a cage full of fierce tigers to do his standing on the nose trick, well, he faints for freight and it only gets worse from there. He escapes the circus, and on his way to freedom gets chased by a hungry bear, only to get caught by three hungry hobos. He escapes and finally resigns himself to the life of a farm pig, eating, sleeping and getting fat. He decided that if he was going to live the life of a pig he might as well enjoy it, and he did.

The day he was to be sold to market a carnival owner stopped by the farm to buy some eggs and saw Chester. He bought chester for twice the going market rate. Why? That carnival man noticed something very special about Chester that no one else, not even Chester, had; something that had always been there (I won't give that away, you'll have to go and read the book). Chester dream was realized. He ended up center stage in the carnival, being treated kindly and living the life of a star as he had always wanted.

What can be learned from this entertaining children's tale?

1. When life throws rocks in our path we can look at them one of two ways; like a stumbling block that heeds our progression, or as a steppingstone that allows us the growth we need to realize our dream.

2. Sometimes we have to learn to surrender, to be willing to give up our dream finding the good in our circumstances as they are. As we let go of our firm grip on our dream that's when God can step in and cause things to happen in a natural way.

3. Often the blessings come after a trial of our faith. The key is to keep the faith, keep that little seed of belief alive!

4. God has provided the way for all of us to be successful in whatever we want to do.

I encourage you to read the book and please share what insights you gain from it.

Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy

I thought I'd stick with the attitude topic again. Good and bad can be found in EVERY situation, what are you going to experience? Enjoy this funny and true to life you tube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus

What difference can a positive attitude make?

I ran across this video by Zig Ziglar (www.zigziglar.com). He talks of his encounter with a woman who HATED her job, after she made the effort (hard as it was for her) to find good in her situation, she began to LOVE her job! Just after a shift in attitude.

Along the same lines I'll add some advise that Brian Tracy gives quite often. He says we are all self employed. We are responsible for everything that occurs in our job environment. It's in our best interest to act as we would if we owned the company we work for. As we do that we will be creating more value, and more good will come into our lives because of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRMogDrHnMQ

How to Discover your Unique Soul Purpose Part 2

After doing Garrett Gundersons exercise I still wasn't clear on what to do with what I discovered and how to create a soul purpose statement. While searching the web I found a helpful form at www.synergyinstituteonine.com. I'll give you an example of how simple it is to create a statement using Garrett Gundersons ideas and this form.

The form has a place for listing your top three core values.
1. Integrity
2. Charity
3. Knowledge (freedom)

Next the form has you list your top three life's passions (here I listed my hobbies):
1. Time with family (family history)
2. Working with hands (creating)
3. Reading, studying, learning

Next list the top three talents, skills or abilities you possess:
1. Empathising (compassion)
2. Serving others
3. Decision making (following the Holy Ghost)

The key themes that kept popping up as I did Garrett Gundersons exercise are: Family, seving, learning, working with hands (or creating).

Here is the statement I made from the two exercises:
My purpose is to raise righteous, happy, well educated children in a close knit, strong family environment, to learn and create continually and apply that knowledge and those creative skills in the service of and for the betterment of humanity.

I would love opinions on this, suggestions and to hear of others experiences doing this as well.

Doing this is so important to me because it gives me a roadmap to follow as I walk through life. I can reflect on my statement and ask myself if what I'm doing is in line with my life's purpose.

Garrett White (who often works with Garrett Gunderson) is giving a free webinar called "Awaken Soul Purpose Teleseminar" on Thursday Feb. 26th, here's the link http://www.eventbrite.com/event/275095819

To learn more visit www.freedomfasttrack.com, where teleclasses and live events are offered.

Happy soul searching!

4 Common Mistakes Entrepreneurs Make

A friend of mine introduced me (not personally) to a lady named Kendall Summerhawk. She's a very passionate, successful marketing coach. I thought I'd share a tidbit of what I learned from her today. For more information I invite you to visit her website at http://www.kendallsummerhawk.com/.


First off, one thing she said that truely touched my heart is this (in my own words): if you are not making the money you want to be it means that you are not serving enough people, and it means that you are not valuing yourself enough.


4 Most Common Mistakes Entreprenuers Make:

1. They don't offer a premium level service. 20% of your clients will only pay for a higher level service because that's what they want, and if you don't offer it they'll either be unsatisfied or go somewhere else. Of course, offer a lower end service as well for the other 80%. Think of airlines, they offer coach and first class seating.

2. They believe their clients will not pay for premium service.
a. We have no business deciding what others can afford
b. When people pay more for something they perceive that something as having greater value
c. When people do pay more, that sense of value is ultimately transfered to me (ie. my value goes up)
d. They feel good. People love the feeling of doing or having something exclusive, that only a few others get. It makes them feel more valued.
e. People hold themselves more accountable when they pay more because ultimately what you put in to something is what you get out of it.

3. People think they have to be a big name just to get clients.

4. People give away too much before their business takes off. That is a sure fire recipe for keeping you stuck where you are.

In love and kindness,
Tammy

How we win

I'm taking this from something I read by Mike Dillard, he's a network marketing expert (www.magneticsponsoring.com).

1. People win when they are comfortable. After all, who likes to be uncomfortable? The average person is uncomfortable with change, even though changing likely will increase the quality of their life.

2. People win when they are liked. Everyone wants to be accepted, validated and loved. Unfortunately, it's a rare individual, one who is willing to be a true leader and make the tough decisions even at the expense of loosing the approval of others.

3. People win by being right. These people are not open to criticism or new ideas. Since these people do not accept their short comings they can not move past them to continue growing and succeeding.

4. People win by winning. They are the competitive types, they don't care what people think of them and they thrive on discomfort because to them it means they are improving.

5. People win by loosing. This is the victim, the person who is not comfortable with life unless it's continually filled with problems they can tell others about and gain sympathy from.


From this can you see how people sabotage themselves, keeping themselves in the same rut for years on end? Have the courage to get out of your comfort zone, to be disliked, to be wrong and to take responsibility (vs. being the victim) and see what happens.

All the best!

5 Year Plan

To continue on from last nights post. Brian Tracy gives these tips to build your business over 5 years, he calls it his 5 year plan.

1. Make a list of the top 100 people in your community, ideas include politicians, successful business owners, community volunteers.
2. Put each of these names on a file folder, so you'll have 100 file folders.
3. Each time you find information on one of these individuals, file it in their folder.
4. Send them a note stating what you admire about them and that you'd like to get to know them.

You will meet those 100 people, and when you do, you'll become one of the most influential, powerful people in your community. You'll be the person who knows everyone and whom everyone knows.

*The people who know the most people and who are known by the most important people in every community are the most important people.

For more info on Brian Tracy visit www.briantracy.com

To your success!
Tammy

Networking

I just finished watching a video clip by Brian Tracy and thought I'd post a few gems he gave about business networking as I'm getting ready to go to a meeting.

1. Join a committee because committee members are leaders. Make sure the committee you join is filled with people that you want to get to know and whom you'd like to get to know you.

2. Get involved: 20% of people do 80% of the work. Be in the top 20%. Volunteer for key assignments.

3. Learn everyone's name. Find out about them, what they do now, what they have accomplished in the past. When you speak with them, say, "Oh yes, you are _____ and you have done......, and I admire ....... about you. Ask lots of questions.

4. Do your assignment quickly, well and efficiently. People are watching you. You will start to become known. In business people like to hire and refer people whom they know and respect.

5. Form a mastermind group: A group of 3 or 4 others that meet once a week to talk "shop", about the business situation. Meet for breakfast or lunch.
A. Decide who you'd like to get to know and call them and invite them to be join your mastermind group.
B. At the first meeting let everyone talk about what they want, a get to know you meeting.
C. An idea is to have a different person each week pick an article or book for the group to read, and get together the next week give a review, then everyone else discuss it.
D. Make no attempt to sell your product or services. if someone asks what you sell, briefly explain it like it's not important and go on. ****No hustling****

Remember, the more people who know you in a positive way, the more successful you will be.

There is so much more information, I'll post more on this topic tomorrow.

Kindness Challenge

It's Valentines week, the time we think about the ones we love. I just got this quote in my e-mail today and wanted to share it and encourage you to make an extra effort especially this week to be charitable to everyone, no matter what.

I encourage you to make this little quote by Marvin J. Ashton (a general authority of the LDS church) your motto for this week:

Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are Kind to each other,
when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give
each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is
accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings, having
patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse
to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we
might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's
weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us.
CHARITY IS EXPECTING THE BEST OF EACH OTHER.

One of my favorite websites is a new one recently created by Shauna in Utah, www.joyfilledlearning.com. It's a place to post acts of kindness you see happen, or that happen to you, and to read of acts of kindness done to others.

In Kindness and Love,
Tammy

P.S. I'd love to get your comments. I'm new at this blogging thing and value your thoughts.

How to Discover your Unique Soul Purpose Part 1

Everyone has a soul purpose that is their own. Garrett Gunderson defines soul purpose as "your unique combination of talents, abilities, natural proclivities combined for the best and highest content or mission of your life." It's the greatest expression of who you are.

When a person lives their soul purpose they are happy and fulfilled because they are doing what comes natural to them and they are good at it so are compensated highly both emotionally and financially.

How do you discover your soul purpose? Find out what you like, what excites you.

Here are some questions to get you thinking about what your soul purpose is:
1. When are you the happiest?
2. When/where are you the most creative? What ignites the most passion in you? What are you always talking about? What would you be doing if your life were ideal? Write for 10 minutes w/o putting the pen down, then continue on with questions 3 and 4.
3. What are your favorite hobbies? What hobby can be turned into an economic benefit?
4. If you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do for a living?

Look for things that keep popping up, circle them and make a list of them.

Creating harmony in your life so you can focus on your soul purpose:
1. What area of your life are you experiencing the greatest disconnect?
2. What could you do to alleviate some of that problem? Pick one thing and start working on it w/i the next 24 hours.
3. Is there any area of your life where you are constantly focusing my attention on that is draining your energy?

I just began working on this exercise this morning. It's fun to think about me (being a mother I often forget myself) and eyeopening.

I got this information from ILG. You can visit Garretts site www.garrettbgunderson.com

Case for Trust

These are notes I took from a brief video clip I just watched of of Stephen M.R. Covey briefly exlaining the economics of trust in action.

Trust effects speed and cost. When trust goes down, speed decreases and costs increase. This happens in all areas of life from business, relationships (personal and professional), to teams and organizations.

When trust goes up, speed increases and costs decrease.

Stephen sites September 11, 2001 terrorist attack. After that event our nations trust in air travel went down dramatically. As a result, we taken great measures to compensate for that lost trust by means of installing high security measures for air travel. The result is perhaps restored trust, and definatly higher costs and more time spent in traveling by air.

Great measures always have to be taken to compensate for lowered trust levels, which always leads to increase costs and decreased speed. Lack of trust comes at a great price because of the steps that have to be taken to compensate.

I encourage you to read Stephen M.R. Covey's book The Speed of Trust for more on this.

I just read an article by Rodger Dean Dunkin, an associate of Stephen where he elaborates more on this truth about trust levels. View it at
http://www.meridianmagazine.com/businessmatters/090206trust.html

Check out Stephen's web site @ www.coveylink.com

The 7 Most Powerful Words

I don't know that this is really a quote, but it's a thought at least. I was listening to the Glen Beck radio program and he had Richard Paul Evans on as a guest. Richard said that the most powerful 7 words you'll ever know are, "is that the best you can do?"


He sited an example of when that worked for him while shopping at Costco for a large screen tv, he asked the sales man "Is that the best you can do?", he went and asked his boss and the price of the tv went down.

Another example he sited was of a young family with a newly adopted baby and $20,000 in hospital bills. The young mother called the hospital and said those magic words, she was told that her bill could be reduced to a mere $2,000 if she could have it paid w/i a month.

I encourage you to say those words and let me know how it goes. I've got a few things to try it on next week.

reading retention

I LOVE to read! I took these notes from a home school class I attended, I hope many of you find them beneficial as I have.


*When reading a book fold a 8 ½ X 11 sheet of paper in three places and take notes on it. Label each third section as follows:
1. Questions I have
2. Comments
3. Impressions/insights

After each chapter write a summary in the end of the book so when you have to write a paper, (or want to blog about it) it's ready.


Always write after you read because it solidifies the information in your memory.