3 questions to ask yourself to see if you are playing victim - part 3

Well, I've highlighted what I found from my 10/5/05 journal entry according to Dennis Deatons categories which are as follows:
Owner statements (OS)
Victim statements (VS)
Exaggerated Disadvantages (ED)
Overlooked advantages and benefits(OA)


"I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen today, and it did. Things were just going too well (ED). The four kids I was babysitting, the mother left the father and took the four kids with her. Now I obviously can't watch the kids and she never paid me for the two weeks (V) I did watch them, so now I'm not earning money and I now have three people that owe me money (ED).

I got a speeding ticket in the mail yesterday for $141. Evidently it was one of those radar cameras on the Ross Island Bridge. I was returning from taking my son to OHSU for surgery preparations. They said I was going 41 mph in a 25 mph zone. I never saw the sign, I was just going with traffic (V) and I guess 261 others got speeding tickets in that same spot during the same hour I did. It was an honest mistake, I would have never knowingly broken the law because I don't want to pay! (V) This is my 1st traffic ticket ever (OA).

Next, I'll re-write the journal entry as an owner.

This exercise is very eye opening to me. It's amazing how naturally I fell into playing victim and blamed others for my problems. What a blessing it is to learn better and that it is I who controls my destiny.

I encourage you to do the same with life situations that are bothering you.

I'm thinking this is a tool I'll use with my children as I'm striving to teach them personal responsibility.

Blessings!

3 questions to ask yourself to see if you are playing victim part 2

Here is a journal entry dated 10/5/05. I had just given birth to my 3rd child and we were having major financial struggles. As you read it I want you to look for those victim statements, the owner statements, where I exaggerated disadvantages, and where I overlooked advantages.

"I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen today, and it did. Things were just going too well. The four kids I was babysitting, the mother left the father and took the four kids with her. Now I obviously can't watch the kids and she never paid me for the two weeks I did watch them, so now I'm not earning money and I now have three people that owe me money.

I got a speeding ticket in the mail yesterday for $141. Evidently it was one of those radar cameras on the Ross Island Bridge. I was returning from taking my son to OHSU for surgery preparations. They said I was going 41 mph in a 25 mph zone. I never saw the sign, I was just going with traffic and I guess 261 others got speeding tickets in that same spot during the same hour I did. It was an honest mistake, I would have never knowingly broken the law because I don't want to pay! This is my 1st traffic ticket ever.

Next I'll highlight what I found.

3 questions to ask yourself to see if you are playing victim

You are probably asking yourself why you should even care if you are playing victim or not. What I mean by playing victim is blaming others and outside events for your problems, and unhappiness instead of taking responsibility and finding the opportunity within the opposition. That means only others, or changes in circumstances can fix our problems and make us happy. Sounds pretty silly doesn't it?

So, how do we get out of this victim mode? By first identifying, then changing our thought patterns.

We all have patterns of thinking that hold us back.

To see if you are you playing victim ask yourself these questions
1. Does how I'm thinking promote a sense of hopelessness about the future? Thoughts like, my future is bleak, I have no control over the future, I have no options.
2. Does how I'm thinking lower my sense of worth or power? Thoughts that the problem can't be solved.
3. Does how I'm thinking promote negative feelings towards other people? Who are you blaming, your family, the government, that stranger that did X to you?

If the answer to any of these three questions is "yes" then you are playing victim and there is some re-scripting that can be done. You want to re-script to change that harmful pattern of thinking.


1. capture your event down in writing, just as you see it (do this so you can see where the wrong thinking is, then change it)
2. look for owner statements (statements where you take responsibility, where you have a healthy view of the incident) Build on those statements.
3. look for victim statements, see if you can diminish those
4. look for exaggerated disadvantages (where you are making the problem seem bigger, where you are giving your power away to the problem)
5. look for overlooked advantages and benefits (how does being a victim benefit you?)
6. rewrite your story as an owner (meaning someone who takes responsibility for their life)

*Out of some of our most difficult trials come some of our greatest blessings and strengths.

Doing this exercise will help you discover the blessings!

I'll post an example of this tomorrow.

For more on this, visit Dr. Dennis Deaton at http://www.quma.net/personal/dr-deaton.html

Four Lessons I learned from Chester the Worldly Pig

As I was reading Chester the Worldly Pig by Bill Peet to my daughter I realized that this is more than just a children's book for entertainment. There are a few key life lessons for the observant mind to learn.

The story starts off with Chester as a piglet on a farm living the typical pig farm life of eating and sleeping with the knowledge that his life's purpose is to end up as food on someone's plate. He decides that he wants more out of life, he wants to be a star in the circus and live a life of luxury and glamor. He realizes he has a fantastic nose and decides to learn to balance on it. He tenaciously practices for days and days until he's very skilled and can stand on his nose for hours on end.

The story goes on and he does end up on the circus grounds, shows off his trick, and joins the circus. Things start out as he imagined in the beginning. Things quickly change. The show starts and he's put into a cage full of fierce tigers to do his standing on the nose trick, well, he faints for freight and it only gets worse from there. He escapes the circus, and on his way to freedom gets chased by a hungry bear, only to get caught by three hungry hobos. He escapes and finally resigns himself to the life of a farm pig, eating, sleeping and getting fat. He decided that if he was going to live the life of a pig he might as well enjoy it, and he did.

The day he was to be sold to market a carnival owner stopped by the farm to buy some eggs and saw Chester. He bought chester for twice the going market rate. Why? That carnival man noticed something very special about Chester that no one else, not even Chester, had; something that had always been there (I won't give that away, you'll have to go and read the book). Chester dream was realized. He ended up center stage in the carnival, being treated kindly and living the life of a star as he had always wanted.

What can be learned from this entertaining children's tale?

1. When life throws rocks in our path we can look at them one of two ways; like a stumbling block that heeds our progression, or as a steppingstone that allows us the growth we need to realize our dream.

2. Sometimes we have to learn to surrender, to be willing to give up our dream finding the good in our circumstances as they are. As we let go of our firm grip on our dream that's when God can step in and cause things to happen in a natural way.

3. Often the blessings come after a trial of our faith. The key is to keep the faith, keep that little seed of belief alive!

4. God has provided the way for all of us to be successful in whatever we want to do.

I encourage you to read the book and please share what insights you gain from it.

Everything's Amazing, Nobody's Happy

I thought I'd stick with the attitude topic again. Good and bad can be found in EVERY situation, what are you going to experience? Enjoy this funny and true to life you tube video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus

What difference can a positive attitude make?

I ran across this video by Zig Ziglar (www.zigziglar.com). He talks of his encounter with a woman who HATED her job, after she made the effort (hard as it was for her) to find good in her situation, she began to LOVE her job! Just after a shift in attitude.

Along the same lines I'll add some advise that Brian Tracy gives quite often. He says we are all self employed. We are responsible for everything that occurs in our job environment. It's in our best interest to act as we would if we owned the company we work for. As we do that we will be creating more value, and more good will come into our lives because of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRMogDrHnMQ

How to Discover your Unique Soul Purpose Part 2

After doing Garrett Gundersons exercise I still wasn't clear on what to do with what I discovered and how to create a soul purpose statement. While searching the web I found a helpful form at www.synergyinstituteonine.com. I'll give you an example of how simple it is to create a statement using Garrett Gundersons ideas and this form.

The form has a place for listing your top three core values.
1. Integrity
2. Charity
3. Knowledge (freedom)

Next the form has you list your top three life's passions (here I listed my hobbies):
1. Time with family (family history)
2. Working with hands (creating)
3. Reading, studying, learning

Next list the top three talents, skills or abilities you possess:
1. Empathising (compassion)
2. Serving others
3. Decision making (following the Holy Ghost)

The key themes that kept popping up as I did Garrett Gundersons exercise are: Family, seving, learning, working with hands (or creating).

Here is the statement I made from the two exercises:
My purpose is to raise righteous, happy, well educated children in a close knit, strong family environment, to learn and create continually and apply that knowledge and those creative skills in the service of and for the betterment of humanity.

I would love opinions on this, suggestions and to hear of others experiences doing this as well.

Doing this is so important to me because it gives me a roadmap to follow as I walk through life. I can reflect on my statement and ask myself if what I'm doing is in line with my life's purpose.

Garrett White (who often works with Garrett Gunderson) is giving a free webinar called "Awaken Soul Purpose Teleseminar" on Thursday Feb. 26th, here's the link http://www.eventbrite.com/event/275095819

To learn more visit www.freedomfasttrack.com, where teleclasses and live events are offered.

Happy soul searching!